Category Archives: Preparation

Back at One


Whelp, what can I say?

Later on the same day as my last post, I found out that my dream had finally come true. I was pregnant! After 6 months of putting my body through its paces, it rewarded me by giving me a child. I now have a perfect, beautiful, wonderful 10-month-old baby, and her name is Reagan.

I also have 60 pounds of fat back on my body! 😦

Let’s just say the last 1.5 years have been both the most amazing, stressful, and trying time of my life (so far). I gave up my dream job to move back to Abilene…Brad graduated from his undergrad, but gave up going on for his Masters in order to come back to work as a Sales Manager. It just wasn’t feasible to continue down the track we were and raise a baby.

So, I got preggers and told the diet and working out to go eff themselves. After my miscarriage in 2009 I was scared to breathe, let alone work out. Once I knew things were ok, the impending stress of “oh my God, I’m going to be a mom,” and “Oh my God, how are we going to afford this??” drove me to eating like a freight train.

After my precious daughter was born, I went through the most dramatic (traumatic?) bought of baby blues. And on the tail-end of that we made the decision to move back to Abilene…which also meant I gave up a job that had meant so much to me. I spent the summer of 2012 depressed. I didn’t think I was at the time, but I think that had to have been what it was. Add in to that 3 or 4 failed attempts to reboot my diet, followed with that all-too familiar crash that comes afterwards (Taco Bueno, anyone?), and you have…this. I have totally brought myself 100% to where I was pre-awesome diet in 2011.

Of course my first thought is to cry (done that), feel sorry for myself (done that too), and grab some comforting pizza (done lots of that!). But obviously that’s not helping the situation. On some levels I can’t believe this happened, but on so many more levels I know that I can’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. It happened, I had a baby, and I would never EVER change that. But to be morbidly (ha!) honest, I’m not going to be any good to her in this shape. At this point I can’t hardly hold her for more than 5 minutes before needing to set her down because my back hurts, my arms hurt, I’m out of breath. How can I ever be a good mother, and a good example, if I don’t get my shite together?

So, I’m back. A little bruised ego, a LOT more me. A new town (I’ve got to find a pool!), new situations, new family. But I’m back, and I am determined. I’m back on a plan with Alan, he has a new challenge that starts tomorrow. I know starting something on Jan 1 is cliche and usually fails, but I think I needed a big start to get my rear in gear.

Lord, help me, I’ll need a bit of divine intervention here as well!


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Filed under mental, Preparation, sugar addict!

Spring Fever Challenge! Weekly Post #1

So this is my first official Spring Fever Challenge Post! Of course I’m posting this throughout snippets of free time at work today, so it may be a little incoherent. Hopefully by the end of the day I’ll have something that makes sense.

Thanks so much again to Amy over at Life’s Journey with a Smile for putting this together, I definitely thinks it’s something that’s fun to kind of spice things up while I continue to try and kick a little butt on Allan’s Challenge (I’ve dropped to 8th place, boo!).

So, without further ado, here are my answers to this week’s questions.

What are your goals for the Spring Fever Challenge and Why did you choose them?

  1. Get to Onederland! When I first started Allan’s challenge, he said that his team of medical peeps predicted that if I stuck to his plan, that’d I’d see 194 by June 8th. I was both extremely excited and terrified at the thought of this. Excited because I haven’t seen anything below 200 since I actually cared what a scale said about my weight (so like, 12 or 14 maybe?), and then terrified because I thought that this was impossible. It’s only been a few weeks it seems since all this started, and I’m believing that it is possible! At 2 pounds a week, which has been my norm for the last month, I won’t make it by the end of the challenge (June 8th), but I think that once I’m able to start running again and really shock my system that I can get there. 
  2. Try at least 8 new healthy recipes. After the adventure of Spaghetti Squash last week, I wanted to make one of my goals to keep trying new things. I notice more and more that as this diet goes on that I am finding myself craving things more and more. Yesterday I had to sit and talk myself off a cliff when my brother sauntered in and put fresh koloches in the fridge that he had bought from the Czech Stop in West (I even went and smelled them twice, who does that!?). So, to fight these urges I want to try and spice things up a bit. I’m very much a creature of habit, and usually am perfectly content to eat the same foods every day. The weekends kill me though, so I’ll have to make those project cooking days to keep my brain occupied!
  3. Swim 500m freestyle without stopping. Since I’ve started swimming again to combat the not being able to walk, I have been remembering so much of what I learned in high school when I was on the swim time. I have loved swimming since I was a little kid, and those are some of my best memories from high school. I was the best on our little team at the backstroke, and as I swim now I can remember why – I always had trouble with my breathing with the other strokes. I was fast, and I have endurance – I can swim 500m backstroke with no worries, but even completing 100m freestyle is so hard for me because I can’t control my breathing. I want to learn as much as I can about how to work on this and by June be able to swim a 500m without stopping because I need to catch my breath.
  4. Send 10 Postcards with Postcrossing. I stumbled upon Postcrossing a few months ago on Mary’s blog and thought it looked awesome. So awesome that I signed up…and then did nothing. I’m bad about jumping on something thinking that it’s awesome, and then not following through. So between now and June 20, I want to send at least 10 postcards to other Postcrossing members.
  5. Buy Brad’s Ring. Many of you on here know that Brad has gone back to college. He never got a high school ring, because he ended up getting his GED, and now that he’s almost done with school, they are selling the college rings. Brad said that he’d be alright not getting one, because they are so expensive, but I could tell that he really wanted one. This reminded me of when I was in high school. Money was really tight for my parents, and I told my mother that I understood if I couldn’t get a high school ring. My mom told me that there’s no way that I wasn’t getting one. That I had earned it, and that it meant a lot. I told Brad this same thing. I have some potential freelance lined up, so I’d like to use that money to pay for his ring.
  6. Read 6 new books. I used to be an avid reader as a child, and I’ve really laxed off in my adult life. After high school and college, I think reading had become more of a chore than an enjoyment. And hey, I’ve worked in TV and internet all my life, what are books for, lol!? I’d like to pick up some new books to read. I’m reading a series right now, so I’ll finish that one, and then pick up some other ones – guilty pleasure or otherwise! 🙂
  7. Write 8 paper journal entries. I have been meaning to explore certain things in a paper journal…something where I can be completely honest and not edited for the public life of blogging. I have been putting it off because it means I might have to think about things that hurt, but I think it’s something that I need to do. Making it a goal here may help me to finally get it done.

So that’s my goals!

What is your plan of action to make them happen? Staying focused on the diet, Allan’s Challenge, and researching. Other than that, just making time for these other goals – rather than plunking down on the couch to watch TV.
What does this challenge mean to you? When I first started this blog, I said that I wanted to focus not just on the physical aspects of weight loss and life change, but also the mental. Allan’s challenge has been amazing at keeping me in line with the physical. I think this challenge might help me work a little on the mental side.
Fun Question of the Week: Let’s  get to know each other! What is something most people (er… fellow bloggers) don’t know about you? Hmmmm, that’s a tough one. I think what would surprise many people that either know or don’t know me is that I’ve always dreamed about being a singer and/or an actress. I think I have a pretty awesome voice for your avid non-musician…but I never sing in front of other people unless it’s a group of people singing (like church). I LOVE karaoke, but I’ve only been brave enough to try it twice, where no one knew me, and with a very gay friend who I could talk into singing with me. And with my weight, don’t even get me started on why I would never have pursued acting. So, I got a job behind the camera, next best thing, right? 😉

Do something every week that makes you feel good about yourself. This week (well yesterday) I painted my nails. I had gotten them done back in February, but that’s just too expensive to keep up, so I spent some time working on them yesterday with a manicure set my mother gave me, as I try to transition the acrylic nails back to my real nails. I think I did a good job, and having pretty nails definitely makes me feel good about myself, lol!

Include a positive picture each week. My husband’s family and I participated in a 5k run/walk in honor of our nephew this weekend. Brad finished with a time of 30:34……….and I walked in my little broken foot boot and finished in and hour and 10 minutes, lol! But I did it, I at least wanted to finish it in honor of Cooper.

That's me in the black pants and sad little boot - Cooper's Mom, Jessica, is in the tan shorts

So yeah, I think that’s it for my first Spring Fever Challenge Post! Hopefully it made a little sense!

In other news, I lost 2 pounds last week. I am so close to being down 40 pounds! 😀

Work day halfway done – 3 bottles of water in, 3 to go – swimming and two big bottles of water tonight!


Filed under Achievement, mental, personal, Preparation, SFC, water, weight loss

First night done.

Last night I walked 2 miles at a local park. It took me about 37 minutes.

It was not an easy 2 miles. But it was surprisingly easier than it was last Friday.

I had a lovely view of the sunset to keep me company.

I'm not much of a sunrise type person...I'll take the sunset 😉

I also enjoyed watching the reflections of the lights in the water

I spent a lot of time last night doing something that I haven’t been doing much of since the miscarriage…talking to God. It had been a long time since I had just taken a few minutes to pray, or commune, or whatever you want to call it. Suffice it to say that me and the Big G had been on the outs for a while. I wasn’t too happy with the cards he dealt me, and I let him know on more than one occasion.

I guess you could call it a lover’s quarrel. 😉

But, as I began I tried to think of things I was thankful for. For my husband, our strength in our marriage, my health, my family. And then it came to the miscarriage. What could I possibly be thankful for there?

And then it hit me, that without this tragedy, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Literally, I wouldn’t have moved to the Metroplex, and I wouldn’t have found this job that I love so much. I don’t know if that is exactly why it happened, but it helped me to see that the individual events in my life and my husbands are simply tiny threads that God is weaving together to make something much larger.

And then, right around that time this song came on my playlist. It is from one of the soundtracks to Battlestar Galactica. This unlikely source of music is great to walk to, and keeps me inspired and focused. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

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Filed under 13.1 Training, Preparation

Trying to Get My Head Right

Well, I am on the road to yet another start.

The quick and dirty history: I’ve always been overweight, I’ve never been at my ideal weight, and I’ve been struggling in earnest over the last 4 years or so to break through some invisible barrier holding me back from accomplishing my final goals.

Fact: My heaviest weight that was recorded on a scale was 276.

Fact: I’ve not been below 200 pounds since before I was 13.

Fact: My obesity causes my PCOS and infertility problems.

Fact: I’m addicted to sugar. In the hidden, soda and refined bread type.

Fact: I am great when I’m on…and my own worst enemy when I’m off.

In December I suffered my first miscarriage from a blighted ovum. This wasn’t weight/health related, as I was in the best shape I have been in years when we finally got pregnant. But the crushing blow to my emotions has led me back to my old staples – sodas and sweets. I won’t lie and say that I’m ready to quit – I am learning that you’re never “ready.” I’ve got a soda sitting next to me right now! But, I’m ready to start to try again. I’m ready to get my body in shape to try and have a baby again.

So, today I start again…or not really start, but get back to where I was. No more wallowing in self-pity and sugar. Sugar is just making it all worse. It’s time to start taking care of myself again.

First step was to join Ruthie’s Cool Runnings group. I have had a on again off again relationship with walking/jogging for years now…it’s time to stop being scared and go for it! Even if I have to walk a lot of this, at least I’m moving!

So there is my first post. My name is Amanda, I’m 250+ pounds, and I’m going to do a half marathon before my 30th birthday on November 17th…and try to get preggo along the way. 🙂

Oh, and the source of the name of this blog is a song that I heard on the radio a couple of weeks ago – and I found it really comforting:


Filed under Preparation