On February 18th, 2013, my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I had seen him just the day before as we celebrated the February birthdays in my family – his and Reagan’s included. On February 22nd, he would have been 69 years old. Instead we held a funeral.

It’s so weird to write that. Even though it’s said and done and I’ve cried, been pissed, and also relieved that he’s no longer struggling for air on oxygen tanks. It sucks.

Reagan turned one on February 21st. I can’t describe in words how achingly thankful I am that she was able to celebrate her first birthday with her grandfather. But Jesus I miss my Dad.

So, I don’t know. Weight wise I’m good. I ate crap that people brought to my parents’ house the week he died, but I’m standing on the other side of the whole thing having lost a few pounds. I did binge on food once the day after we got back in to town. Which was very odd…I’ve never been a “binge-er” to speak of. It was a very strange sensation, being out of control of what I was eating and eating to basically make myself feel pain. I’ve been back to work out a few times since…but both times have been extremely difficult as far as my body cooperating…out of breath, feeling like I weigh a ton.

But, I am trying to creep back into reality. The “changes” title of this post is still unknown even to me…I’ve been thinking about switching up the blog, maybe moving it to a new URL. I dunno…I have too many blogs that focus on different aspects of my life…I started a “mommy blog” a little over a year ago but I’m not really feeling it…it’s too fake and it’s goal was to make money…not to display the real me. I’m just not that type of blogger…when it becomes work then what is the point? I’m thinking of combining that blog and this blog and maybe making something new and authentic…

I don’t know, it’s hard to think of silly things like blogs these days. But I know that if I don’t have somewhere to go and gripe on life then I’ll probably burst as well.

So that’s about it, I just wanted to poke my head into the digital stratosphere and let it know that I’m here.

1 Comment

Filed under personal

One response to “Changes

  1. So sorry to hear of your loss. Both my parents died rather suddenly, within eight months of one another, and I’m not going to lie — it’s been nearly seven years now and I miss them more every day. Maybe you can channel your feelings into energy and turn it into something positive…extra training for your 5K, or something like that. I hope your memories of your dad bring a smile to your face when you’re sad. Mine do. 🙂

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