I’m trying to stay shiny and happy, but I’m definitely feeling broody and anxious about diet-land right about now.
I was thrilled at the loss last week on Phase 6, I did awesome. I survived a “dinner” with my parents (in which I watched them eat and stood my ground explaining why I was not). I survived the weekend with Bradley, who loosely sticks to the plan but is more focused on school than anything, and is still losing weight at a pace he enjoys.
And then there was yesterday.
Brad’s scale is notoriously nicer than my scale – in so much that it usually is 1-2 pounds lighter than mine. So, when reporting my weight last weekend I kept that in mind, having weighed myself on my scale a day before, I averaged. And I was thrilled that they were playing nicely with each other. I stayed on plan and was content.
Until yesterday, when I weighed in (yes, I cheat and weigh almost daily now, sue me). And my scale decided to be especially evil. And I’m talking like – insane difference. Like 5+ pounds difference. Not just different from Brad’s, but different from what it was telling me itself last week.
I’m not usually one to let the numbers bother me too much, I know weight fluctuates, I know water retention fluctuates. But seriously??
And then of course, I started looking at my old TTC sites yesterday (TTC = Trying to Conceive, for the initiated). I started daydreaming about pregnancies and babies…….which inevitably leads me to think about miscarriages and false hopes. Not consciously I guess, but by the time I got home and was standing looking at my swimsuit, I was in a horrible mood. It didn’t take much to talk myself out of going.
I need to work on that still.
All that to say, I skipped swimming last night, and I ingested more than I should have. Not that there’s really much cheating you can do on Phase 6, thank goodness. But I was craving things, oh yes. Luckily I was able to talk myself off of ledges, but I am still craving things today…comfort I suppose. I dunno.
I weighed myself again this morning, scale is still giving me the big fat middle finger. So, I don’t know if it’s water retention or what – I swear there’s hardly anything else in me to be retained!!!
I’ve been battling with being moody all morning, and feeling like I’ve taken giant steps backyard. I know that it’s not true – heck, even if my scale is being accurate, I still weigh less than I ever remember in my adult life. I guess it’s just hard not to feel defeated at it. And I know I’m being whiny, and a girl but hell, I DO have a vagina, it’s just going to happen. Right now I’m just trying to process this objectively and convince myself that all this work isn’t for nothing.
So, swimming tonight, staying away from pregnancy sites, and putting the scale away for a couple of days. I may not have a loss this week, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let numbers and my own stupid broody brain to crack me any more this week.