Peeking Out

Well, it’s been a few days since my last blog post, so just a few quick notes to let you guys know I’m still alive! 😉

Unfortunately, the foot is still a pain. I haven’t run since a week ago Monday. Upon another consult with Dr Google, I’m fearing that I might have a metatarsal stress fracture. Which sucks.

If it’s not better on it’s own by Monday, I’ll be going to a dumb foot doctor. Which also sucks.

So, needless to say that was the first part of my few days of mental slippage.

Next, Brad came in to town, and the excitement of having him around has totally thrown my routines for a loop. I’m apparently a huge creature of habit, and not doing things as I normally do has proved tricky.

So, between going out to eat on Friday night and being invited over to my parents for dinner on Saturday, I think I did pretty well in retrospect…if I did go over my calorie goals (which I don’t THINK I did, but you can never be sure about food you don’t prepare yourself) it wasn’t by much.

BUT. For some reason I FELT like I had. I don’t know why…I guess because the foods themselves weren’t really what I’ve been eating, they weren’t off “plan,” but they weren’t on plan, and I felt like I was losing ground. Oh and I don’t think I was getting all the water in either.

So, then, on Sunday, my mom calls and wants Brad and I to take her to the ER. She’s been dealing with stomach issues, docs haven’t been able to find anything, we think it’s a food allergy, etc. Well, apparently that morning she starting having an “episode” after my dad left for church. I love my mom, but in hindsight I think she was just having a panic attack, coupled with the fact that no doctor seems to have been taking her seriously about this issue, and I think she knew with Brad and I there with her we could act as her mouthpiece to the medical staff.

Of course that didn’t change the fact that Brad and I were wanting to have a nice quiet date that day…

So, didn’t get to eat on Sunday until after 2 or so…had subway at the hospital. Then that night we ended up eating out again. And again, I don’t think the day was over my calorie goal…but it wasn’t the “right” foods. There may have been pasta, but I’m trying not to dwell on it.

It was a total stress-eating event.*

I mean, I keep coming back to the fact that it was a stress-eating event that didn’t end in an overage of calories, but it was definitely strange and scary to be back in that place where you look back and go “I lost some self-control there.”

Not to mention the fact that Monday and yesterday, my first days back into a sort of routine, were spent dealing with crazy cravings. I hadn’t had such strong cravings since I started this whole mess. I wanted PASTA…I wanted DESSERTS. Like really WANTED them. In my mouth. Now.

Brad consequently, went out of town for 2 days to visit his family, he’ll be back tomorrow.

Today is easier…and I’m finally getting over that mental block. You know, the one that says I totally screwed up my diet and should just go get a burger and fries instead. I’m feeling better because my clothes look good on me today. I’m feeling better because the pants I’m wearing that are loose today were tight 2.5 months ago – tight to the point that I would not wear them.

I somehow made it over the snag without blowing everything…which is a first for me I think.

Of course, my freaking foot is not making it easy on me, but I’ve found some streaming workouts on Netflix that are helping me do some alternative cardio workouts. They aren’t nearly as satisfying as the running, but I’m smart enough to know that if my foot doesn’t get better before I start trying to run on it, it will be worse.

I hope it gets better before Monday…I hate doctors. And broken feet.

Oh, and another thing, I was definitely avoiding blogging. I mean, I was legitimately busy, but I was also avoiding this “confession.” Mostly because I think that in my mind my transgression it was 10 times worse than it actually was. Once I was able to look back and see that I hadn’t blown my whole 30 pound weight loss because of one misstep I started to feel better. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am definitely kicking my own ass to get back into gear, but it’s nice to know that I went through those old feelings of doubt and self-shame over something like this and came out the other side in tact.

4 bottles of water in, 2 to go at work, 2 large bottles at home. Back to the grind.

*Mom is fine…went to the doc the next day and apparently they are going to work to find the answer. Mom’s on the BRAT diet until then.

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2 Comments

Filed under Achievement, mental, personal, random, rant, water

2 responses to “Peeking Out

  1. Hi, babe! I missed your last post. I guess I forgot to link you to my blog roll. I’ll do that today.
    I’m sorry to hear about what sounds like a stress fracture. Please don’t ignore it or try to put any weight on it. They can take forever and a day to heal unless you treat them as seriously as any other fracture. In fact, you might do something less high-impact, and make sure you have those $150 shoes on. I hope you get an answer on Monday. He’d better x-ray it.

    Hey, don’t sweat that food intake. If you think you were at or below maintenance, you probably were, or very close. You have to have eaten 3500 excess calories to gain a pound. Do you think you ate that much over maintenance? It doesn’t sound like it. I’m just so happy I tolerate carbs well. I see how many people fall off the wagon if they have even on small cup of refined-flour pasta. I don’t know how all of China and Japan and Asia in general thrive/d on it for generations, and are thin and healthy. Beats me.

    So stop beating yourself up, or I swear I’ll reach through this computer screen and strangle you. How would you like that? Okay, I’m not a terribly violent person, but I could make an exception if you’re mean to you.

    I’m glad you’ve had a good time with Brad’s visiting. You needed a lift. And I’m glad they’re taking your mom’s problem seriously. I think if she were a man, it would have been taken seriously from the beginning. There–my politics are showing.

  2. Pingback: The Dark Passenger Shows Her Ugly Face | I Can Do This!

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