Happy Monday to all out there in blog land. I am sitting here at work, just finished a tasty apple. It really was tasty, that’s not me being sarcastic.

Made it back to the Metroplex last night, followed by a run to Target for groceries, then a DVR fast-forward tour through the Oscars.

Today I am tired, but in a good mood. True to form, my good friend here at work that I was gushing about the other day is now in a semi-bad mood. I think his comes from not having really had a weekend because of so many activities his daughter was doing. That’s ok, I’ll allow him to be grumpy. 😉

It’s so weird, I never really paid as much attention to my moods before…I’m guessing maybe the foods I would eat to “comfort” myself would mask the severity of them? I mean, that coupled with the fact that my hormones were out of whack anyway…? Maybe.

I find myself today that even though I’m in a much much better mood that I keep thinking back to last week and the overall feeling that resulted from being so stressed. I mean, I’ve joked in the past about my “dark passenger,” but she was truly out and about last week. At some points last week I had convinced myself that I had made a horrible mistake by staying being in this job (that I love!) while Brad went back to finish school. I had convinced myself that it wasn’t going to go anywhere, and that if I even wanted to I would not find anything better, because my being here was a fluke. Add in to that some good old “your fat and ugly” self talk, and it’s amazing where you can end up.

I ended up feeling horrible and worthless last Thursday – while I was out on my walk of all places. That’s when I decided I had to get out of here for the weekend. I needed my husband.

We didn’t even have to talk about it. By the time I had arrived there, I had had some good time to self-reflect on the 3 hour drive. By that time I had been able to leave the crazy self-talk and the bad feelings on the road behind me. Driving a little fast may have helped…but I admit nothing! 😉

By late yesterday, as I started on the journey home, I started realizing just how sad it is to let myself get to that place…and how sad it is that I probably never realized that I was going to that place because I would mask with food. I don’t know if I’m making any sense here, but it was almost as if I were having some sort of panic attack on Thursday or something. It was very strange.

Anyway. Enough with the heavy stuff. Today is a new day, of a new week, and (almost!) a new month. Where January’s total loss was 15 pounds, February added another 11 pounds lost. I’m hoping in March I can get back up to 15. 🙂

I hope everyone has a wonderful week! 😀


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Filed under mental, personal, random, sugar addict!, weight loss

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