So, this weekend was both the worst and best part of my little sickie escapade. I was sneezing and blowing my nose every 5 minutes or so on Saturday, and finally yesterday I started to feel a bit human again. I still am getting out of breath and sweating by just walking to my car at work (which I guess I should mention, it’s like seriously a quarter mile walk from my parking garage to my office, and lugging laptops and whatever else gets tiresome even when not sick!), and a little light-headed when walking up the stairs at home…but it’s getting better.
Food and water still holding strong. I am honestly slightly worried by the fact that my willpower has been so strong. I know that sounds weird…really weird…but I’m just worrying (perhaps needlessly) that I’m not craving anything in particular. I mean, I’ve posted about the kolaches and the donuts, and yeah it would have been nice to have one, but I’ve not found myself sitting in a corner rocking back and forth or anything. Which I guess is logical, but I guess I hear about binging and read about mental battles regarding these things, and I just wonder – when will this happen to me.
Of course I think that since I’m trying to work through more of my mental issues – in a private, hand-written (gasp!) journal – that perhaps I am coming at this from a grounded perspective. I know my biggest hang up is that I felt like I needed to punish myself, post-miscarriage, and food was the easiest way. Food and drink were my way at getting back at myself for letting myself finally get preggo after all those years, just to lose it.
So, I guess that will be my biggest temptation – not any one food, but constantly telling myself that I’m worth a smaller body, I’m worth better health, because hopefully one day maybe better health will bring me a child.
That I’m not actually “broken,” despite what my lovely little Dark Passenger (the mean lady in my head) likes to tell me sometimes.
So that’s my updates. Less sick, of course just in time for a big freeze to hit the Metroplex – so not sure if I’ll get many walks in, but I’ve got a staircase… 😉
Oh! And I almost forgot! My sickie week actually turned up a great weight loss!!! I lost 6 pounds! 😀