Trying to Get My Head Right

Well, I am on the road to yet another start.

The quick and dirty history: I’ve always been overweight, I’ve never been at my ideal weight, and I’ve been struggling in earnest over the last 4 years or so to break through some invisible barrier holding me back from accomplishing my final goals.

Fact: My heaviest weight that was recorded on a scale was 276.

Fact: I’ve not been below 200 pounds since before I was 13.

Fact: My obesity causes my PCOS and infertility problems.

Fact: I’m addicted to sugar. In the hidden, soda and refined bread type.

Fact: I am great when I’m on…and my own worst enemy when I’m off.

In December I suffered my first miscarriage from a blighted ovum. This wasn’t weight/health related, as I was in the best shape I have been in years when we finally got pregnant. But the crushing blow to my emotions has led me back to my old staples – sodas and sweets. I won’t lie and say that I’m ready to quit – I am learning that you’re never “ready.” I’ve got a soda sitting next to me right now! But, I’m ready to start to try again. I’m ready to get my body in shape to try and have a baby again.

So, today I start again…or not really start, but get back to where I was. No more wallowing in self-pity and sugar. Sugar is just making it all worse. It’s time to start taking care of myself again.

First step was to join Ruthie’s Cool Runnings group. I have had a on again off again relationship with walking/jogging for years now…it’s time to stop being scared and go for it! Even if I have to walk a lot of this, at least I’m moving!

So there is my first post. My name is Amanda, I’m 250+ pounds, and I’m going to do a half marathon before my 30th birthday on November 17th…and try to get preggo along the way. 🙂

Oh, and the source of the name of this blog is a song that I heard on the radio a couple of weeks ago – and I found it really comforting:

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3 Comments

Filed under Preparation

3 responses to “Trying to Get My Head Right

  1. AAAAAAA-
    MAZING POST!
    Thank you for sharing.. thank you for inspiring others!

    wow.

  2. Amanda! you can so do this!
    You are not alone!
    Please visit this blog by Carlos DeJesus( http://exercisetherapy1.wordpress.com/2009/01/11/the-fitness-herald/ ) He shares with you how you can resolve those “unfinished” issues in your life that hold you back.
    Please also look at my blog and be inspired as well.

  3. Jae

    Sweet Amanda,
    I’ve heard so much wonderful things about you from Ruth (my sister) and Joel. I’m so glad you’ve started the blog. It will help keep you clear headed, will be a place to vent, and will show you how much you’ve grown mentally, emotionally and spiritually through the process.

    You are me back in the day. I weighed 286 lbs when I was 39 years old. I binged in sugars, fast foods, and sodas. I’m so, so proud of you for taking this first step to really getting healthy. One of the best things that Ruth says is “Starting over is okay…we all do, we all will…”

    Would love to have you read my blog. I speak honestly as I can, I posted pictures that up till now I wouldn;t let anyone see. I get up every morning trying my best. I don’t do things perfectly and when I have a soda, or overeat, I don’t beat myself up like I used to. I give lots of grace and stay comitted to the training schedule.

    Its a process. Its not about being perfect. Its not about loosing 50 lbs in 3 months. For me its a spiritual journey, led by God, and learning how to be nice to myself and be patient.

    Hugs!!! You can do this!!!
    Jae

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